Wednesday, April 18, 2007
i'm in a pretty depressed mode today. feeling totally worn out by the entire uni application thing (YET AGAIN) and feeling very unwanted.
i have very little courage, i lack the very small amount of courage to dare to have a dream. surprisingly or not, i've never given myself an ambition and i've never expected much from myself. perhaps that explains why i'm in such dire straits currently.
i always pierce my own bubbles of stupid little dreams and let them disappear into thin air just like that because somehow i don't even give myself a little chance to go fulfil my stupid little dreams. my self esteem tells me that jessie's gonna fail no matter what, so why even bother?
some form of wisdom's trying to make a call to me, to tell me to wake up and stop behaving like a little kid. i need to do something about my future. i need to get out of this sleep-eat-sleep-eat viscious cycle. i can't just be at home all day long and do nothing constructive at all! I CANNOT SETTLE WITH THAT.
but the whirlpool of turmoil's a silent killer. it stirs up my mind and it doesn't affect anyone around me. sleepless nights and fearful sleeps? excuse me please, why do i hear echos here?
Y12:53 AM
